A Sports Story

As I mentioned in other places, my dad was a successful fast pitch softball player. He was a pitcher. He took full advantage of all parts of home plate. I'm not sure if you realize that the outside of the plate which is black is also supposed to be considered part of the plate when calling balls and strikes. When my dad would throw arise ball, for example, it could start the outside of the strike zone and curl across just brushing the edge of the black part of the plate. And it would be a strike. Or it could be run on the edge of the strike area and cross outside of the strike area but it did go across the plate and it should be a strike. The purpose of pitching like this was to make it harder for the batter to make good contact thus getting a hit or at least place the ball in play.

One night while pitching in this manner the umpire would not call these close pitches as strikes. In many instances where the batter should have been called out because of strikes, he was receiving a base on balls. Usually my dad did not walk many batters. But on this night the umpire was not helping my dad. In fact, he was penalizing big George for pitching so accurately. After this had happened numerous times my dad and his brother Gerald, who was the catcher, had a little confab at the pitchers rubber. They decided that the umpire was not going to change his method of calling balls and strikes so they thought they might just provide a little wakeup call for his benefit.

If you've watched many ballgames, either baseball or softball, you might recognize the fact that when the catcher squats on his haunches to receive the pitched ball, the umpire looks over his shoulder to be able to see the ball, hopefully, thereby calling balls and strikes. My uncle suggested that he plays his glove as a target, calling for a high rise pitch, giving my dad a target to aim at, and as the pitch is being thrown moving the target out-of-the-way thereby strike in the umpire's mask with the full force of the nearly 100 mph fastball.

Imagine if you will, in your mind's eye, the following scenario. A better steps into the batter's box. He kind of negligently leans on his bat while he takes his cleats into the ground creating for himself a comfortable place to stand. He reaches his bat and touches the outside of the plate, gauging what he appears to think as his correct distance from the plate. Sometimes he paws the ground like a horse. Sometimes he grounds his foot like he is putting out a cigarette. This usually entails a slight wiggle of the hips. All of these moves are just for the purpose of placing himself in a comfortable position. After his distance from the plate is correct and his feet feel comfortable he usually looks at the pitcher and swings his bat a couple of times getting his shoulders comfortable and indicating while perhaps thinking at the same time, put that ball right here, and I'll knock it a mile!

Gerald squats behind him, the umpire leans behind him, looking over his shoulder, the batter swings his bat, and big George looks on. Gerald gives the sign for a fast rise ball, presents his glove for a target at approximately the height of the armpits of the batter, indicating the top of the strike zone, and coincidentally, in correct sight of the umpire's mask. Big George begins his immense windup, using great leg strength and pushing his way off the pitchers rubber, windmills his arm and releases his pitch. It doesn't take long for the pitch to travel the distance from the mound to the batter, giving him the opportunity to try and hit the ball. If he can hit the fast projectile he might get a hit, he might make an out, or if he misses he would have a strike, or he let's it go...

Regardless of whether he swung and missed or just let it go, not thinking it was a strike or not seeing it well enough or just hesitated for a brief moment, whatever. Big George was just watching the results of his pitch. Gerald was just gauging if the pitch was in the right spot or not. The batter wanted a good pitch to hit. The umpire was staring with intense concentration at where the ball was purportedly going to cross the plate. He was going to call it a ball or a strike. Do you think that he knew the other meaning of the word strike? Well, in some ways it was the perfect pitch. At least for this particular moment. The batter didn't swing. At the very last moment, Gerald lowered his glove, moving the secondary target and revealing the primary target. The ball struck. Does the word thunk mean anything to you?

There was a loud thunk. The ball narrowly missed Gerald’s shoulder and struck the umpire straight in his mask. Thunk! There was a tremendous gasp and groan from the bleachers by the fans. And there was a soft sound of a man's bottom not so gently setting itself on the ground behind home plate. Now you must realize that umpire's mask has a great deal of padding to prevent injury should one get struck by a ball either by misfortune or perfect targeted aim.

What an unfortunate happenstance! It took a few minutes for the bells in the Belfry to stop ringing and the bats in the Belfry to stop flying around. It may have taken just a moment for his vision to clear. And wasn't that just exactly what this whole shenanigan was all about?